The Underlying Purpose of Conversation

Sounds like a nifty title, eh? Like the title of some psuedo-intellectual self-help book.

But actually it's just something I've been thinking about lately. I find it intriguing how we are constantly communicating with each other, most obviously through words (conversation), and yet despite how integral a part of our lives it obviously is, there is very little available for us to learn about it.

Communication is, after all, a skill, so why don't we learn or study it like we would with math, science and art which, admittedly, we use a lot less in our general lives than we do communication.

I've searched and asked several times about this question and have turned up empty every time, but I determined to find out: What exactly is the underlying purpose of conversations?

For the most part, I've gotten well-meaning but ultimately empty answers such as "to have fun" or "to know the other person." I understand all that and certainly, at least on the surface, those kinds of answers are valid. However, when you think about it, there are a million ways to communicate, a million things to talk about... so why are most conversations so routine? And if you think about it a little more deeply... how often have you based the start or growth on a friendship on the responses you received, rather than some underlying feeling? Very rarely, I think.

So what is it we are truly "looking for"? I decided to sit quietly and think about it myself. I think often understanding life is the key to cultivating freedom and choice. When you know why something is the way it is, you have more awareness as to what to do about it.

I think one of the reasons conversation is so ritualized is that the actual audible content is of very little import. We memorize a certain pattern so that our unconscious can more clearly focus on our true aim: to utilize everything - body language, voice, facial features, reactions, nervous habits, etc. - to really and truly understand the person. In other words, we pay very little attention to what people say, but rather how they say it. Think about it; we tend to gravitate towards people who seem confidence, who seem friendly, who seem likeable or attractive, and once we've established that they are worthy of our time, we focus more on using the objective content (the conversation) to discover commonalities, like hobbies or work. But until then, we utilize conversation as a ritualized tool to, for lack of a better word, evaluate someone.

I've found this to be more true when using pattern interrupts. When I use them with confidence, it tends to bypass the need to spend time establishing rapport; it works almost instantly: it has the effect of drawing interesting people to you and repelling... well, let's say less open-minded people away. When used without confidence, it just tends to weird people out. Even if I don't use them, the prescence or absence of confidence tends to have the same result anyway, just more prolonged.