Overwhelm

For the first time since I've been back, I've been feeling a bit of overwhelm. Which is interesting, because I'm considerably busier now than I ever was last year. So many projects, so many things to finish or accomplish. It's kind of a good feeling in a way. It's also a good feeling that it took about two months for me to finally, selfishly ask "When do I get some time for myself?"

*I have a couple hours tomorrow night to prepare for one of the potentially biggest teaching jobs I've ever been offered: 11,000 yen for two hours teaching beginners at USJ.
*Waiting on claim forms to be filled out from two different clinics, totalling about 50,000 yen.
*Setting up a party for next April. Still debating whether it's worthwhile to get flyers and/or business cards yet.
*Haven't exercised in about two weeks.
*Still have a lot of organizing to do at home.
*Haven't sent in my application for the JLPT course in Shinsaibashi yet. That's going to cost me another 40,000.
*Work from 11am to after midnight on Saturday. Same thing again on Saturday. Then a party AFTER work on Saturday. Then another one on Sunday. Normally I would cancel, but they are to benefit the earthquake relief in Sendai.

Speaking of which, that was probably the straw that broke the camel's back. Or more like the anvil that broke the camel's back. Wow. That was massive. So much so that I really don't know what to say. I guess I learned that I haven't become completely desensitized yet. Watching the footage and hearing the stories... it's hard to keep from crying.

I've been thinking a lot about death lately. The test I took in January... my parents aging... and now this. Sometimes I suppose there's no reason but what you make. But that makes all the difference.

It's shocking to me, how easily people can cast aside empathy and real feeling and rationalize things, or shut themselves off from experiences. It's also shocking to me how some people will allow fear as an excuse to behave selfishly.